Ever wonder if you can get a little more help for free? We are here to give you good news! Your children can help with chores...willingly. Toddlers are innately wanting to help their parents. They are intrinsically motivated to help without any rewards. However, when rewards are introduced, toddlers tend to not help as much. So we encourage every parent to foster their child/children's want to help. As long as we as parents foster this gift, our children will be able to carry this want to help throughout their adult life. This is such a blessing.

How do you have your children help you? Join us as we talk about children and their willingness to help.

Please subscribe. We look forward to reading your comments.

TIMESTAMP:
►00:08 - What does Yuntaku mean?
►00:41 - Recent Happenings - Park and Beach Day with Dada
►01:26 - TOPIC: Let your Children help with Chores
►03:41 - Have your Children Feel Appreciated
►04:11 - Peter Gray, PhD's Research that Children are intrinsically motivated to help
►05:42 - TIP #1: Don't Micromanage
►06:07 - TIP #2: Don't Demand
►06:29 - TIP #3: It’s family work, we all do it together
►07:01 - TIP #4: Cheerfully guide your little one’s attempts to help
►08:03 - TIP #5: Allow your child to take their time and make mistakes as they help you.
►10:17 - Benefit: Your Children grow by learning valuable life skills and empowerment.

QUESTION: How do you have your children help you?

MUSIC:
► Copyright Chillhop Music - https://chll.to/67239194
► Copyright Chillhop Music - https://chll.to/9b1d1dee
► Copyright Chillhop Music - https://chll.to/7293b0ec
► Copyright Chillhop Music - https://chll.to/0d2cc18a
► Copyright Chillhop Music - https://chll.to/e79a5d63
► Copyright Chillhop Music - https://chll.to/8fa63f1b

Podcast Transcription

The transcription below is provided for your convenience, please excuse any errors made by the automated service.

Tamo 0:00

running towards the ocean. Oh, if I let her go, she would have probably gone into the ocean

Akko 0:04

It's Yuntaku time with Akko and Tamo.

Tamo 0:08

What does Yuntaku mean? It's an Okinawan word from the islands of Okinawa, which means chit chat. We want to invite you to our kitchen table, and include you in our chit chat to explore new ways of thinking, to welcome different perspectives.

Akko 0:26

And we want to share ideas and how to love yourself. Love your partner, and shower your children with love.

Tamo 0:33

This is episode eight.

Akko 0:35

And the topic of the day is let your that oh one help with chores. But before we get to that, let's talk about our recent happenings. So what did you do a while I was at work,

Tamo 0:45

yeah. So it was Park and beach day for our daughter and I. And so in the morning, we went to the park had a little fun. We had a little mini picnic in the car. And then we went for a walk around the park and then came back for a nap. And then at the end of the day, we went to the beach, and she really enjoyed the beach, she kept running towards the ocean. Oh, if I let her go, she would have probably gone into the ocean. And she enjoyed playing in the sand. And as you can imagine the car is completely Sandy now. So we'll definitely need to vacuum. But yeah, it was a very fun time. And next time, let's have mama come with us. Yeah.

Tamo 1:24

All right. So as I mentioned, the topic of the day today is let your little ones help with chores. And we came across an article on Psychology Today by Peter gray PhD, and in the article, he mentions the importance of having your little one help.

Akko 1:39

And one of the things that he was really stressing on is that toddlers are intrinsically motivated to help. So that's an interesting point. I don't know if a lot of parents are aware of that. And this is something that I actually didn't know that they were intrinsically motivated. So that was something that it was good to read. And he was saying that we want to foster that intrinsic motivation. So let's say toddlers want to help. And naturally, you know, our daughter really wants to help us we kind of let her help us. And so one of the things that we can do is just let them help us and just kind of cheerfully guide them as far as how to help.

Tamo 2:14

Yeah, and we definitely want to foster that motivation. And we don't want to squash their wants to help. And it's really easy, especially when we're busy to say Hey, no, we'll just the parents will take care of it or whatnot, but taking time to really foster that positive motivation to help. The parents I think is a great thing.

Akko 2:34

Yeah, yeah. Like we just had a Costco haul. And we came back with some toilet papers and paper towels. And our daughter just literally put everything in the closet. Like she got everything from the door and then walked it over to our doors closet and gave it to data so that he can put it in on top of the shelf, which she can't reach.

Tamo 2:54

Yeah. And it's not like these things are lightweight. I mean, it is toilet paper and paper towels, paper towels. We broke it down so that she can carry it. And even the toilet paper. It's those things are quite heavy. Especially. Yeah, it is and the size of it. It's it's the size of her. She's grunting and picking those things up and bringing it over. I was very impressed at how much she was held. Yeah. And so yeah, when that happens, we don't want to squash again that that motivation. So you know, we cheered her on. Yeah, great job. And thank you for helping and yeah, it was really fun to watch. Yeah, it was really fun to have her

Akko 3:30

help us. Yeah, yeah. And it was a lot. It was a lot of toilet paper and a lot of paper towel. Oh, yeah.

Tamo 3:35

She made a lot of trips. Yeah,

Akko 3:36

she did. So it was actually very helpful. And I think she felt appreciated. So that's another point to have them feel appreciated. That's actually very important. And you know, that's the same for adults, too. We want to feel appreciated as well. So you know, treat them like

Tamo 3:51

us. Yeah. And for me, what I do is just get to her level. So kneel down and look at her say thank you and give her a quick hug. And she understands she definitely feels it. And so it doesn't have to be anything really big, but just again, getting down to their level, looking at them and saying thank you.

Akko 4:09

Yeah, yeah, I completely agree. So moving on to some of the research that was actually written on this article was that they did a research in which they took children that were 18 months 24 and I believe 36 months, and they asked the mom to observe their child to see our children to see if they would help in any situation. And 100% of the time, these toddlers all helped their parents. And there was also another research that compared reward versus non rewarded healthy. And this research showed that 53% of the children that were rewarded, only helped again, so only 53% of the children while 89% of the children that were not rewarded, continued to help so that kind of shows you that kids are motivated intrinsically and not extrinsically and extrinsic. They're motivated, then they kind of stop helping.

Tamo 5:02

So if a child is extrinsically rewarded, then it really drops the percentage of help, which is really something that's quite big. You know, most parents might think it's good to reward but research shows that that's not the case. Yeah,

Akko 5:16

yeah.

Tamo 5:17

So the research shows that children are Yes, intrinsically motivated to help parents. But also, if you are to extrinsically, reward your child for helping, that actually drops the helping rate from 89% to 53%. Wow, that's a really big,

Akko 5:33

big drop, drop, though, it might be wise to not reward for helping and just really motivate them to help us naturally.

Tamo 5:42

And so there's some other tips that we can share with you. So let's speak to it.

Akko 5:47

Yeah. So some of it is to not micromanage.

Tamo 5:50

Yeah, I think that's really crucial thing, because, I mean, we don't, as adults don't like to micromanage correctly. And so it's the same for our children. And so our children wouldn't want to be micromanaged also, so we need to really respect their will, and just to support them through

Akko 6:07

and let's not demand their help, we can't just be like you need to help us because then that defeats the whole purpose of them helping intrinsically.

Tamo 6:15

And it might be that they're helping us. But if we were to demand, sometimes it does the opposite it by backfires. And they tend to rebel from the demand. So that's something to keep in mind too.

Akko 6:28

And you can always think of these chores, or these things that you need to do as a family thing. So not really an individualistic thing, but kinda you do everything as a family, this is a family chore so that they feel like they're contributing to the family.

Tamo 6:43

Yeah, just like our family unit. So especially when children are younger, they see the family as a unit more than one we're older. So yeah, definitely taking that and really understanding that for children in the family is the unit. So we all work together. And yeah, just have have fun while you do it.

Akko 7:00

Yeah, absolutely. And, you know, while they're doing it, cheerfully guide them, and with little attempt to help as possible, just because, um, you know, they, they want to probably do it their own way, and which is fine. As parents, you just have to be flexible. And obviously, if they're putting a dish on the couch, like that's, that's not cool, they might have to say, Hey, you know, these dishes actually go in here, and then just carefully guide them, that would be one advice or suggestion that we would give, right. And

Tamo 7:27

so when it comes to your little ones helping, you just really want to lightly guide them, right. And of course, if there's danger, or they're doing something completely different, you guide them and say, okay, like girl you mentioned, they're putting the dishes on the couch, obviously, that's not the place for it. So you just gently guide them, okay, this is where you put dishes and kind of show them how to do it.

Akko 7:48

Yeah, kind of make it fun, you know.

Tamo 7:50

So by having your little one help, a really big benefit that they can get is they grow by learning valuable life skills, and they become more empowered. And as parents, we want to foster that as much as possible. As parents, we're very busy. Just even taking care of our little ones is a full time job in itself. But we also have work and other errands that we need to run and many other things that we have to do. And in these kind of difficult times when it's really busy, it's really important, even more, so to take time for your children and allow them to make mistakes or not do things perfectly as you see it, but still being grateful for their health. So for us, what we've been doing is we take our time, even if we're slightly on a time crunch, we sit down and we give time to our little ones so that she can do task a she wants to do with us guiding her to do the task. And so again, you we want to take time, and never really rush and get angry at your child for trying to help I think that could be

Akko 8:51

that can be something because you know, detrimental. Yeah, cuz the children could actually feel that energy and feel being rushed. So that's why you as parents, you just have to check in with yourself and make sure that you're not feeling that urgency, because your children can feel that and then you might not be able to complete the task or complete the help. So As parents, we just need to just keep calm and just be patient with our little one so that they can do what they want to do.

Tamo 9:15

Right. And because your children are trying to help you because they want to help. It's not a malicious intent or anything like that. They just really want to help. And we can also think of it this way, if you're trying to help someone from the bottom of your heart, you just really want to help and that person gets angry at you. It's just not a good experience, right? And so that's even more so with your children. So having more time giving more time to your child and now supporting them through even if you're busy or have other things to do to setting aside an extra minute or two to help them out and support them. It could be really a gift. Yeah,

Akko 9:51

yeah, it's a gift to all of us.

Tamo 9:55

And another thing that we read in the article was that once we can kind of create this foundation for help. They'll continue to help throughout their lives

Akko 10:03

throughout adulthood. So it's it's great, right? Yeah. And so if you haven't started

Tamo 10:07

start now, yeah. And you can definitely even if they're older, just little by little incorporate these and have them helping you.

Akko 10:17

And so with that said, we just want to let you know that having your child help our children help really allows them to grow by learning valuable skills and being empowered, so they become ganged up

Tamo 10:28

adults. And these life skills will continue to pay off dividends for the children throughout life just being empowered, knowing these life skills, and it allows more opportunity for your children to flourish.

Akko 10:41

And so how do you have your children help you?

Tamo 10:45

We'd love to hear from you. Please comment on our YouTube channel by searching Yun tuck time. Till next time, take care bye